Re-entry

By the looks of my apartment, you wouldn't think that in just a couple of days i'll be moved out and on my way to California. 

There are maps and souvenirs still taped to my walls, clothes still hanging neatly in my closet and tucked in my drawers,  dirty dishes waiting to be washed in my sink, and books and papers sitting helter-skelter on my shelves. 

I think I'm in denial. 

I just got back from the market, where I did allow my mind to briefly consider the looming reality of my departure... but just long enough to remember not to buy anything that I could not use in the next three days. But then I strolled back down the avenue with my grocery tote full of all my favorite French-y items, pretending I'd be a Parisian forever. la dee da dee da..  

But I won't be. 

Soon i'll be on a plane, looking out the window at the twinkling lights of Paris one last time. I'll be leaving this city behind, probably not for good, but at least for a very long time. I don't even know how I feel about that fact, because I've just been acting like it's not going to happen. 

It's what I always do; it's the same thing that I did before I came to Paris. I wasn't really excited or nervous or anything, because I had fully convinced myself that I wasn't ACTUALLY leaving California.
 But then, here I am in Paris still, months later. It happened. 

 I'm going to have to accept that my return to California is going to happen, too. 

Now. Lucky for me (not) I just received this terrifying email from my school here in Paris: 

TOP TEN IMMEDIATE RE-ENTRY CHALLENGES

as rated by University Students

There are many reasons to look forward to going home, but there are also a number of psychological, social, and cultural aspects that can prove difficult.

1. BOREDOM After all the newness and stimulation of your time abroad, a return to family, friends, and old routines (however nice and comforting) can seem very dull. It is natural to miss the excitement and challenges that characterize study in a foreign country.

2. “NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR” One thing you can count on upon your return: no one will be as interested in hearing about your adventures and triumphs as you will be in sharing those experiences. Once they have heard the highlights, any further interest on your audiences’ part is probably unlikely. Be realistic in your expectations of how fascinating your journey is going to be for everyone else.

3. YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN Even when given a chance to explain all the sights you saw and feelings you had while studying abroad, it is likely to be at least a bit frustrating to relay them coherently. It is very difficult to convey this kind of experience to people who do not have similar frames of reference or travel backgrounds, no matter how sympathetic they are as listeners. You can tell people about your trip, but you may fail to make them understand exactly how or why you felt a particular way.

4. REVERSE HOMESICKNESS Just as you probably missed home for a time after arriving in France, it is just as natural to experience some “reverse” homesickness for the people, places, and things that you grew accustomed to in Paris. To an extent it can be reduced by writing letters, telephoning and generally keeping in contact, but feelings of loss are an integral part of international sojourns and must be anticipated and accepted as a natural result of study abroad.

5. RELATIONSHIPS HAVE CHANGED It is inevitable that when you return you will notice that some relationships with friends and family will have changed. Just as you have altered some of your ideas and attitudes while abroad, the people at home are likely to have experienced some changes. These changes may be positive or negative, but expecting that no change will have occurred is unrealistic. 

6. PEOPLE SEE “WRONG” CHANGES Sometimes people may concentrate on small alterations in your behavior or ideas and seem threatened or upset by them. Others may ascribe any “bad” traits to the influence of your time abroad. These incidents with family or friends may be motivated by jealousy, fear, or feelings of superiority or inferiority. To avoid or minimize them it is necessary to monitor yourself and be aware of the reactions of those around you, especially in the first few weeks following your return. 

7. PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND A few people will misinterpret your words or actions in such a way that communication is difficult. Offers to help in the kitchen can be seen as criticism of food preparation, new clothing styles as provocative or inappropriate, references to France or speaking French as boasting. Be aware of how you may look to others and how your behavior is likely to be interpreted.

8. FEELINGS OF ALIENATION/CRITICAL EYES Sometimes the reality of being back “home” is not as natural or enjoyable as the place you had constructed as your mental image. When real daily life is less enjoyable or more demanding than you remembered, it is natural to feel some alienation, see faults in the society you never noticed before, or even become quite critical of everyone and everything for a time. Mental comparisons are fine, but keep them to yourself until you regain both your cultural balance and a balanced perspective.

9. INABILITY TO APPLY NEW KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS Many returnees are frustrated by the lack of opportunity to apply newly gained social, linguistic, and practical coping skills that appear to be unnecessary or irrelevant. To avoid ongoing annoyance: adjust to reality as necessary, change what is possible, be creative and patient, and above all use all the cross- cultural adjustment skills you acquired abroad to assist your own re-entry. For example, during your stay in France you have mastered public transportation and train travel in general. It is common to feel “land locked” and unable to use your travel skills in daily life as with your adventures that were such a part of your life abroad.

10. LOSS/COMPARTMENTALIZATION OF EXPERIENCE Being home, coupled with the pressures of job, family, and friends, often combine to make returnees worried that somehow they will “lose” the experience. You may feel that somehow the experience will become compartmentalized like souvenirs or photo albums kept in a box to be admired only once in awhile. 

So... great! Essentially, what they are saying here is: 

 "going home will consist of everyone being annoyed and uninterested in you, and you feeling frustrated with and alienated by everyone else. It's going to suck! But you should accept it. Have a safe trip!" 

I guess I anticipated all of this, and I'm pretty sure I will be able to handle these "re-entry challenges" just fine, but it certainly shot down a little bit of the excitement I had about finally returning home. 

I AM excited to go home though. I'm excited to see how this new part of my life is going to unfold. I'm excited for Tehachapi, and for Davis, and for whatever else comes next. I'm excited to see how others have changed, and how I have changed, and how I'm going to fit-in to my old life. I've changed, I know, but I'm still me. Though perhaps I feel different, it only makes going back to an old place more like a new adventure. And I do love adventures.
 Going home is going to be great—i'll make sure of it. 

I've decided that once I have been back home for a while, I'm going to write up a list like this one, but i'll call it "Top Ten BEST things about Re-entry "  and i'll propose it to the campus study abroad center. 

That way, future students abroad won't be like me, sitting in their rooms, putting off packing, and dreading the day they have to get on the plane...

Because the one place to which you should never dread returning, is home.